Love is a story playing out in life. You get to choose if how long your story lasts. My story I want it to last forever…
A Love Story For The Ages
Everyone has a love story to tell. Some are end in heartache and some last forever. My story isn’t something out of the fairy tales it is a love story for the ages. It has many chapters. What sets my love story apart is that is still happening. I have been with my husband for 20 years and my love for him has never faded. We connect, respect, and love each other for who we are. Its what makes us so good together. I am not going to pretend that is has been smooth sailing the whole way through because it hasn’t. All those storms we have faced only made us stronger.
He came into my life at probably one of the worst times of my life. We were in high school and I was mourning the loss of my best friend who passed away suddenly. I was a bit of a mess to say the least. I completely shutdown after such a loss.
The first time he tried to introduce himself I said “Unless you have coffee get out of my face”. Yes I said it, but in my defense it was early and hadn’t had my coffee yet. I overheard one of my friends saying to him “that’s Lisa, she’s not a morning person. She won’t talk to you unless she knows you and even then, it’s a crap shoot”. I had rules and a massive attitude problem. Who new the guy would put so much effort into trying to get to know me?
He was different he didn’t try to push me to talk about what I was going through he just watched from a distance. At this time we ran in the same crowd, but didn’t really talk. I was also a 15-year-old girl with a chip on my shoulder. That was until one day I lost it over something someone said and all those feelings came rushing forward.
How We Met
I remember crying outside of school sitting on the cold cement just sobbing. It was the first time I cried over the death of my best friend. The grief overwhelmed me. That is when I felt a warm coat come over my shoulders and a gentle voice asking me if I was “OK”. I was so far from being ok, but I pulled it together enough to look up and see the boy that is now my husband. I thanked him for the coat before handing it back to him. Little did I know that was just the beginning of our story.
I believe everything happens for a reason and I like to think that the friend that I lost sent him to me to break down the barriers that I have built up. With all of my baggage I considered myself damaged goods, beyond saving. I have been through a lot for a 15-year-old and it showed.
We became good friends and soon it grew into best friends. We would give each other relationship advice and hung out pretty much every day. He had his own demons and no one calling him on his sh*t. That was until he met me. I took pride in bringing people down to reality and calling them out. He quickly found out that I had no filter and nothing was off limits. He liked the fact that I was out spoken. As our friendship grew I found myself confiding in him more and more.
When Friendship Turns into Love
Then one night I saw him in a different light. We were all hanging out and my then boyfriend pissed me off and I walked off. I wanted to be alone and I was for a while. Sitting in the bedroom at one of my girlfriend’s house by the window thinking about how I was going to break things off. When I heard the same gentle voice ask me “are your OK”. Looking over it was him I shook my head no, but this time when he looked at me something felt different. That is when it dawned on my that I cared for him more than I should.
It didn’t take long after that for us to get together. I was 16 when we made it official. It caused a lot of confusion and jealousy in our group. This made the first month difficult. I was worried about making everyone else happy instead of being happy. He could care less about what people were saying he just wanted to be with me. It was not easy and the constant fighting and jealousy was not easy for either of us. I am a protective territorial person I will not deny what I am. He was the same, I was just more vocal about it. It took many years to get past this phase. We broke up and got back together more times than I can count. The break ups never lasted long though.
I had this rule that once a relationship hit 6 months it was time to break it off. Most of the time I would get bored after a few months then break it off. He was the only one who made it passed 6 months. He was very proud of himself because he knew my rule. The reason is simple he new the real me. He had no expectations and never pressured me into anything.
It is rare when you find someone that can switch from being your boyfriend and your best friend. So if you find it hold onto it.
He has come through for me time and time again. Always making me laugh even when things got tough in my life. Holding my hand and telling me I can do anything, that I was stronger than I thought. I remember when he took me to see my grandmother in the hospital one day when she was sick. He accidentally locked the keys in the car with the car still running. Now most guys would freak out and want to call a lock smith right away, but not him. He laughed and shook his head.
Then did something I never thought. The visiting hours at the hospital where in 2-hour blocks and he knew that I wanted to see her. He smiled and said “lets go visit your grandma and we will call the lock smith after visiting hours. Now that is guy who cared about me and my family.
I worried someone would steal the car. He shrugged it off and said if someone can open up the door than they can have it. He was kidding because we both new that no one was going to be able to get into the car not unless they were walking around with a Jimmy on hand. FYI those where hard to come across.
He Is My Rock
Then a few months later when my grandma passed away. He watched me suffer a loss like no other. I loved that woman she helped to raise me she was like a mother to me. She instilled values in me that I carry with me until this day. He was patient and understanding through the whole of it.
Many years have gone by and we faced so many challenges, but the difference is we face every one of them together. We stuck by each other through it all. When we moved in together now that was a real eye opener and had its own set of challenges. I believe that couples should live together before marriage. That way you can work out the kinks before taking the next step. This is based on my experience. Everyone has there own set of rules and values and I respect that.
It wasn’t just the happy moments that made us it was the difficult times that really defined our relationship.
He was crazy enough to pop the question
Then the day came when he proposed. It was on our 8-year anniversary and he took me to the Empire State building. I couldn’t figure our what his problem was. He was extra affectionate and looked nervous. After keeping me up there for 4 hours I had enough of walking around in circles. I was like seriously how many times can you see the same buildings from this height. I was hungry so he knew he needed to sh*t or get off the pot.
Side note… Every man should know that once a woman gets hungry they have about 30 minutes before she changes into a whole other person.
His proposal was heartfelt and sweet. I have never seen him get so emotional before as if I was ever going to say anything but “yes”. It reminded me of when he wanted to ask me out, but wouldn’t and I told him to “sh*t or get off the pot”. I wasn’t the kind of girl to wait around for him to grow a pair.
For Better, For Worse, Forever!
After 10 years together we finally tied the knot.
The morning of our wedding day I gave him one last chance to get out of it. We both know that I am a lot to handle and the fact that he survived that long was a miracle. I also don’t believe in divorce. I told him that this is it and asked again if he was sure he wanted to do this. At that point the man was invested and said of course I want to marry you. I know your probably thinking it is weird to give a man a way out. Especially the morning of the wedding, but when I said forever, I meant it. Marriage is a serious commitment. I would not become a statistic. Beating the odds and staying together is something that meant a lot to me. He understood divorce was not an option.
That’s a value I watched my grandparent live while I grew up and it was something that meant a lot to me. Its easier to walk away than to stay and fight for a marriage. I was never one to take the easy road and always fought for the people I love. He was no exception. I chose him he is my rock and I was his. We grew up together and instead of growing apart we made a life together.
Strength, Commitment, and Love
We have faced many tragedies and losses together and we have made it through them all in tact and stronger for them. It might not have always felt that way when we were in the thick of it, but I always new if we were better together than apart. He loves me for who I am and I love him for who he is. It might of taken some time to learn to accept each other’s quirks, but we figured it out.
Looking back on everything we have been through I am grateful for all of it because without it we wouldn’t be where we are today. We have created a life filled with love, respect, and understanding. We have a amazing son who brings us so much happiness. Is it perfect? Nope, but I don’t want perfect I want real and that is exactly what I have. I wanted a love for the ages and that is what we have built.
You should really check out What Makes A Relationship Last? This post was inspired by my own relationship and wanting to help others have what I have.