Setting boundaries in a relationship is critical to a healthy relationship. Everyone has their limits. The question is what boundaries should be set in a relationship, so the invisible line doesn’t get crossed? First, you need to know that it is OK to set boundaries. No one wants to feel like they are being controlled, and everyone has a right to boundaries. Second, boundaries need to be established early in the relationship, so you and your partner are on the same page.
Communication is key in a relationship, and it is much easier when you communicate your boundaries instead of ending up in arguments when those boundaries are passed. When you lack boundaries, it can lead to emotional manipulation from your partner. When someone has crossed your boundaries, you know when you feel anger, resentment, or guilt.
The trick is to know yourself to know your boundaries. You can’t be afraid to speak up because if you don’t, how will your significant other know that they have crossed your boundaries. Some conversations may be easier than others, especially when it comes to intimacy boundaries, but having the conversation before you get into an argument is better than saying something in the heat of the moment.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries In Relationship
Healthy boundaries are a reflection of your principles, rules, and guidelines that you have set for yourself. A break in those boundaries arises when your partner disrespects, ignores, or isn’t aware of those principles or personal needs. Live bold & bloom
Personal Boundaries:
Family & Friend boundaries
We’ve all got that one person in our lives that is just a hot mess, but that doesn’t give your partner the right to talk shit. It is a discussion that needs to happen because I have seen firsthand what can happen when a partner criticizes their partner’s friends and family. No one has the right to pass judgment because we all have family problems.
The Right to Privacy
The right to privacy is a big one because people coming into a relationship carry all their baggage with them most of the time. If they have trust issues, they can easily blur the privacy boundaries. Infringing on someone’s privacy can ruin a relationship.
Know that your email passwords, phone, belongings, and journals are all your private things. If you choose to share them, that is up to you. Also, your past relationships and traumas are yours, and it is up to you if you want to share them.
Your right to time alone
It is up to you who and where you spend your time, whether alone or apart. Establish when you have your alone time, maybe weekly or monthly, where you take time to yourself. It could be you need space after a big fight to regroup and think. Communicate this with your partner, so they understand you have the right to time alone.
The ability to change your mind
Making your own decisions and choices also means that you can change your mind whenever you want. If you make plans to go out for a date night and then change your mind, you have the right to do that. Your partner should never make you feel guilty for changing your mind about something. Be honest when communicating why you changed your mind, but always know that you can change your mind at any time.
Expressing sexual boundaries
Navigating personal boundaries in sex can be awkward and scary at times. This usually happens when a couple starts physical intimacy. Be honest and open about your needs and discomforts when it comes to sex.
No one should ever feel pressured into doing something they don’t want to. I know it can be hard to talk about, but every step requires your partner’s enthusiastic consent. You can share fantasies and discuss boundaries to understand each other need better
Financial boundaries
It would be best if you stayed in control of your finances. When you start to blend your finances, the boundaries need to be set. You can start by splitting the bills. Have a discussion about opening a joint bank account that both of you put in to pay the bills from your separate accounts. Decide who is going to make sure the bills get paid on time. Talk about financial goals as a couple. Money is one of those things that can make or break a relationship so being honest is vital.
Emotional Boundaries:
Expecting Respect
Being able to respect one another and your boundaries is crucial when setting boundaries. If your partner is condescending and disrespectful to you, you have every right to remove yourself from the situation. Know your worth because everyone deserves kind and loving communication in a relationship.
You are in charge of your feelings
When you are in a relationship, there are times when feelings and emotions can get blurred. All because your partner is upset about something doesn’t mean you have to be. Being able to decipher your feelings from your partners will give you clarity on the situation. Be aware of your partner’s perception of your feelings because they are not always correct. Sometimes, your partner will try and speak for you, but this should be addressed immediately, so they don’t make a habit out of telling you how you feel. Only one person knows how you feel, and that is you.
Saying “NO”
Although you may think it is easier to sacrifice your wants and needs, you have to learn to say “NO” instead of upsetting your partner. It’s OK t say no when your partner asks for things that go against your values principles or force you to sacrifice what is important to you. There is no need to be harsh about it just say it calmly and explain to them why you are saying “NO.” If your partner makes plans without taking into consideration your schedule or time, you have every right to politely decline the plans.
Having your own identity outside of the relationship
Don’t let the “we” take over your relationship. You are your own person who has the right to your own opinion, beliefs, passions, and interests. Many couples start to become codependent after a while and this is when the melding of each of your identities gets blended together. It is not healthy because having your own identity should not be dictated by your partner. Maintain your identity outside of the relationship because that is why they fell in love with you, to begin with.
Communicating discomfort
At times, your partner may do something you are uncomfortable with, like cracking a mean joke or crossing a line physically. Learning to speak up and tell them that something makes you uncomfortable can be nerve-racking because, after all, no one likes discomfort. Be clear when telling your partner what is causing your discomfort. Establish your boundaries and let them know that it will not be tolerated.
Sticking Up for yourself
It is perfectly normal for couples to argue, and at times an argument can be healthy for communication. However, words being exchanged at the moment can be mean and hurtful. You need to stick up for yourself. You need to let them know that you will not be spoken to that way and let it be known you want an apology. You have to know your self-worth and know that you deserve to be spoken to with kindness.
Final Thoughts:
Setting boundaries in a relationship may not be the easiest conversation to have, but you still have to do it. Know your limits so you can discuss your boundaries with your partner. Respecting boundaries will only make your relationship stronger. Having those hard conversations will only save you a lot of headaches in the long run.
What Boundaries do you have in your relationship? Leave a comment below and let me know your story.
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