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Everyone and I mean everyone needs to stop asking “when are you going to have a baby?”. First of all, the answer is simply none of your business. My body, my choice! I never realized just how much I hated this question until everyone started asking me “when are you going to have a baby?’ It is just annoying and rude, to be honest.

People have no idea what is going on in a woman’s life and what factors play into having a baby. Maybe they are not ready, or maybe they are but don’t want to announce their sex life to the world. Why do you ask that question? How does someone else bringing life into this world have anything to do with you?   

I have learned there are three reasons why people ask this question that no woman wants to be asked.

“When are you going to have a baby?” How about when I and my body are damn good and ready”

A woman in the kitchen leaning her elbows on the counter with her hands over her face

Stop Asking When Are You Going to Have a Baby?

They want to live vicariously through you

Living vicariously through someone else means wanting to live someone else’s experiences instead of your own. This is especially true when someone chose not to have children. That is a choice they made all by themselves. Now they think they can live that experience through you. It’s actually kind of sad when you think about it. It is not your responsibility to have a baby to make someone else feel better. The truth is that person trying to live vicariously through you will never understand that feeling of being a mother.

They want something new to play with

A baby is not a toy that you can play with, then put back when you’re done. That is not how it works. They want something to play with and the mother actually has to raise this tiny human into a good person. That takes work, many sleepless nights, a couple of meltdowns, and a bunch of other shit that no one prepares you for.

They want the 1st baby you had to have a sibling

OMG!!! It is the absolute worst when you have 1 child and everyone wants to know when you having another one. Women are not baby factories they are people. It is none of anyone’s business when or even if you plan to have more children. That whole guilt of that they won’t have anyone to play with. That is why they have playgrounds so your kid can interact with other kids.

The one that hit me the hardest is that my son will be alone. It took me some time to get past this one because no mother ever wants to think that their child is alone. The fact is that my husband is an only child and he is not alone. He is far from alone because he has me.

The truth is kids grow up to be adults and create their own families so all because they are an only child doesn’t mean they are going to be alone.

You never know someone’s story so please stop asking “when are you going to have a baby?”
Woman on her bed crying holding a negative pregnancy test

My Story

This is not something I was going to share just yet, but someone said something to me that made me feel like I needed to speak up. It is time to share my ongoing story with you because I know I am not the only one who is going through this.

Having a child is a blessing like no other. My son is my everything and being a mother is something that I always wanted. It took 6 months to get pregnant with my son and when I finally saw that positive test, I was overjoyed. Fast forward 6 years later and after many conversations with my husband about having another baby we finally decided to start trying.

 It has now been over a year and I am still not pregnant. This process month after month has worn me down and has taken a toll on my mental health. As much as I have been through in my life this was the one thing that could break me. Unless you have been through this or going through it, it is not something you can ever understand. When you are trying to have a baby and your period comes month after month it changes you. You start to wonder what am I doing wrong? Why is this not happening? Is there something wrong with me? Is this a punishment? The list of questions goes on and on.

Someone actually said to me recently that its simple biology and to figure it out. All it proved was how ignorant and selfish some people can be. Because so many things go into conceiving a child and many times it is beyond our control.

I have broken down more times than I can count, but the one I remember the most is on month 12. I was about 4 days past my expected period and I was holding off on taking a test until I was 5 days late. That night I was so excited because on the 5th day I was going to take a pregnancy test and I was sure it was going to be positive. I got my period around 10:00 at night.

The devastation I felt consumed me as I walked down to my basement to hide from my husband. I did not want him to know that month after month of not being able to conceive chipped away at me to the point I was breaking down. I sat in my grandmother’s rocking chair and just cried. The disappointment and sadness consumed me as I sat there sobbing.

When I reached that point, I realized that I was losing myself in this process and if I didn’t do something about it, it would break me beyond repair. The steps I started taking to heal the damage helped me get back on track.

Quote: It's going to be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Steps I took to heal:

Going for walks

Concentrating on my health

Playing with my son

Spending time with my family

Concentrating on my dreams

That is my story and as month after month goes by, I am better with the disappointment every month. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt it just means that I am learning to have faith. I am going to leave it up to the powers that be. In the meantime, I am grateful for the one that I have and make the most of our time together.

Final thoughts

Unless have walked in a woman’s shoes that are struggling to have a child. Do yourself and her a favor stop asking When are Going to Have a baby? You have no idea what she is going through or even if she wants to have children. It’s a big responsibility when you bring life into this world. So if you are so worried about when another woman is going to have a baby be sure to stop and ask yourself would you want to be asked or pressured into having a baby?

To read more about me go check out My Journey.

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