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If you are in a relationship you are bound to get into arguments once in a while. Its perfectly normal that you and you partner don’t agree on everything all the time. Why arguing is healthy in a relationship? Arguing can actually help you and your partner to have more genuine interactions with each other. You might also be surprised to hear that it can make your relationship more resilient.

When you are in a relationship Relationships can be hard at times and arguments are going to happen. If you never argued with your partner, it can few things. You are still in the beginning stages and everyone is on their best behavior. My favorite couples are the ones who say “we never argue”. All that means is one or both of you don’t like conflict. For those of you still in the beginning stages of our relationship, keep it moving and come back when the honeymoon phase is over. Now for those of you who are avoiding the conflict listen up.

two women arguing.

Why Arguing Is Healthy In A Relationship?

Arguing can help you communicate your needs

If you don’t speak, they don’t know. It really is that simple if you need or don’t like something your partner is doing you need to actually say it to them. Not to your friends to your family to your partner. Your friends and family can’t fix or give you what you want from your partner only they can do that. When you don’t communicate your needs to your partner all you wind up doing is getting frustrated.

The crazy thing is you actually think that your significant other can read your mind. Let me save you the shock and just let you know they can’t work on your needs if don’t say it OUT LOUD. Anger and frustration are totally normal emotions so if you find yourself arguing about what you need it’s normal. It just means you let it build up for too long without telling them and your lashing out.

The better way to handle this is to talk to your partner about how you feel before it gets to the point of arguing. You get more accomplished when you talk calmly and respectfully instead of blowing up. I remember when I used to do this. I would let it build and build than when he didn’t give me what I needed. I would explode. I am glad those days are over and all it took was a simple conversation.

Arguing can help you figure out what the “real” issue is

Have you ever picked a fight because you were pissed about something that happened a day ago, but you are dragging it out? For example, your partner didn’t clean the dishes as you asked them to. It turns into this huge argument, but you know that is not the real problem. You know that it’s really about your unresolved issue from a few days ago. I am infamous for this. I do this even now. I will be upset about something that happened days ago and kept it to myself to find myself purposely picking a fight. All arguing over dishes and cleaning because the issue is so much deeper than that.

He didn’t realize just how bad my anxiety was getting with everything getting piled on until a small argument turned into me losing my sh*t. Sometimes an argument is not about the little things sometimes it is so much deeper than that. It’s important to get to the “REAL” reason this argument is happening. That way you can both come up with a solution together.

couple outside on the side walk. Woman walking away and a man reaching out for her to stay.

Arguing helps your relationship grow

Part of being in a relationship is growing together. When you challenge each other to be better not just for each other, but as individuals as well.  Arguing helps deal with underlying traumas and hurt. You learn each other triggers and deal with them together. You want to understand why your partner reacts the way they do. Learning their history helps you respond better to the situation. In my own relationship, I had abandonment fears. He didn’t back down or so much as flinch. Every time I would start an argument and tell him to just leave. He stood his ground during what was a hurricane of craziness and just say I’m not them and I’m not going anywhere.

If you are not picking each other up weathering the storms, then what are you doing it for?

Woman sitting with her hand folded covering her eyes.

Your silence speaks volumes

If you choose to stay silent instead of having a hard conversation because you are afraid of an argument. Let me give you a heads up your silence can destroy your relationship. When you choose the silent treatment your partner will know something is up. This can be dangerous because while they are overthinking everything that can be wrong. It can be something that can be easily resolved with a conversation. Trust me whatever your issue is with them is not nearly as bad as what they are imagining in their heads.

Arguing leads to solutions

You can come up with solutions together when you argue. You both get to voice your opinions so you can come up with a compromise that works for both of you. When you come up with a solution it prevents future arguments for no reason. No one wants to argue about the same thing over and over again. The way to avoid that is to come up with a solution.

Final Thoughts:

I will not be so bold to say that I never argue with my husband because I do. It just doesn’t happen as often now. This is because we have been there and done that. We went through it and had some heard conversations on both sides. I am grateful for every argument because without them we wouldn’t be where we are today.

When you argue and are in the moment you are not overthinking your next sentence which makes you vulnerable. Showing vulnerability can be very freeing and helps your partner understand you and your needs. So don’t be shy speak up because keeping it to yourself isn’t going to get you what you want or need from them. When you understand each other, you will learn to respond instead of react.

Drop a comment and let me know if you think arguing is healthy or bad for your relationship.

If you want to learn more about me and my journey with my 20-year relationship go check out A Love Story For The Ages.

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